Ok, so this isn’t good.

Over a week since my operation now and I’m still zombied. Not all of the time, which is brilliant, but even the smallest exersion has the ability to floor me. It varies; Friday was, thankfully, good but today is particularly bad. I haven’t left my room, even lying down I’m getting disconcerting waves of dizziness that make me feel as it the floor is tilting beneath me. I’ve been awake for 5 hours as of now and feel ready for another full night of sleep.

I’m fed up. I wanted to be back on placement yesterday. Obviously, I couldn’t have managed – I would probably have made myself very ill (in the right place though, haha). I have been signed off for another week, and have to call my GP for confirmation that they’re happy for me to return, that they’re satisfied I’m fit enough to. Currently I don’t know if I will be… which is breaking me more.

I’ve been through so much more than this, yet this is what’s flooring me, a small, minor operation. The site is still bleeding so I don’t know if my blood pressure is dropping – haven’t checked – or what, but it’s so demoralising.

I shouldn’t feel like this. I should be well. I should be back on my feet. I wouldn’t even describe this feeling as drained, it’s… I don’t know what word I would use to describe it. But it’s horrible.

I couldn’t even focus on my essay, and that’s when I know that, physically, I am not well. It’s not difficult, it’s not complicated, but I can’t focus. My head feels fuzzier than fuzzy. My feet and hands are tingly. My whole head aches.

I know this isn’t right, but I don’t know what’s wrong.

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3 thoughts on “I’m crying.

  1. I’m so glad that you are getting better. Hmmm, I wouldn’t say ok, quite stressed. I will be moving out of the house I bought with my girlfriend as we have separated. I have a temporary place in Lower Hutt (New Zealand) then a more permanent place in Titahi Bay unless something better shows up. I will most likely be alone for Xmas and will have to tell my Doctor and work that I now have no next-of-kin.

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