Shock horror, this is not a post primarily about mental health.
On Friday I had a minor operation which, long story short, is going to help headaches and breathing. Didn’t exactly go to plan, but I still got home on Saturday. Since then all had been ok, aside from the expected pain, bleeding… and absolute exhaustion.
I feel as if I’m constantly drugged. I’m so tired. I haven’t left the house. I’ve spent more time sleeping than I feel I ever have before, I’m not even taking the medication to help me. I’ve spent little time out of bed because I just don’t have the energy.
For some reason I have been absolutely knocked for six, and it is seriously upsetting. There’s no reason, blood pressure, pulse, diet… everything is fine.
I hate it. I wanted to be back at placement today. I wanted to be able to just bounce back into life. I was, clearly, stupidly naive and at the same time I feel horribly fake because there is no reason for me to be so out of it.
It wasn’t even a major operation. What is wrong with me? Why have I decided life is too much?
. . .
Ok, ok. The logical brain in me is saying that it’s allowed, that it’s just a normal reaction to suddenly being able to let myself relax a bit, that it’s just a normal reaction to general anaesthetic. I just don’t like it. There’s nothing wrong with me so I shouldn’t be acting like a soggy biscuit.
At least tomorrow I have to get up and out of the house – medication review, woopee – so at least I may have a reason to be tired.
Eh. I’m making a fuss about nothing. I’m being a stupid child. It’s fine, it’s normal, shut up about it.
… I’m off to sleep.