Never a good sign feeling the urge to write. Just means that I’m struggling along a little.

My life is still going well. Studying is still fantastic, still great people, still enjoying. When I’m at work I’m enjoying it.

I feel lost though, and starting to feel empty. Probably doesn’t help that my prescription was messed up (read the pharmacist didn’t even order it when I took the repeat in) so doses were stretched and missed because of that, but still. I’m feeling a little empty.

I keep getting spontaneous suicidal urges. Not too strong, but still concerning. They seem to have some triggers, mainly opportunity, but also when I’m talking about things, left on my own, just… ok, well they’re happening a bit more often than I thought.

Sigh.

I know what to do, and I’m acctivating the things to get that extra support to stop this developing because I do not have time for a breakdown at the minute.

I just feel lost because I can’t turn to my anchors because they’re going through major stuff. My closest friends are going through major stuff. I know that I could talk to them at any time but they have enough on their plate (brain twin, don’t you dare, I know exactly what you’re going to want to say).

I’ve just got to keep these urges controlled, get meds back on track, and use my support network. Mobilise the troops.

Stay afloat.

Stay alive.

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One thought on “I need to write.

  1. Well done … you just keep on going. You clearly know what you need and have to do, so I hope that since you wrote this you’re feeling better and your meds are back on track. Thinking of you. Katie

    Like

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