Reach for le stars

So. Life. Things and stuff and things and stuff. Actually having a rather productive week. I've been getting up, eating breakfast, going to a cafe and working on anatomy (we have a decorator in and it also gets me out of the house), going to the gym afterwards, heading home, having a late lunch/early dinner…

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The world knows

Life is at a big low point. I'm not feeling anything. I'm just nothing inside. I've only told one person, and then not in detail because... well, I just want to be able to survive on my own, I don't want to be independent, I don't want to be hopeful about people and then to…

Dear Blah-blah

More accurately, dear friends. You're expecting more apologies, more excuses; why I'm like this, why I need to cling on to people, why I've done/did things, why I want to, why why why why why. You're not getting anything of that today. I've had enough. I'm not going to get better, I'm going to have…

Home

The past few days haven't had the exact impact that I needed, but I don't really care. I went home. Not my parent's, home home - down to Cornwall, the only place I feel I've ever really belonged (aside from Scotland but that's a bit odd). I've wanted to come home for ages. Haven't had…

Jokes and games

I think there is only one plus in my life at the minute: + . There it is. If I can do a little joke things can't be that bad, right? I'm not going to lie, things aren't good. I went out last night with the intention of dying. Obviously I didn't, or this would…

So, life

Yeah... here we go again I don't feel anything. I'm faking every emotion I'm portraying. Someone has just been talking to me about painless ways out and I found myself craving to have the opportunity. I'm suicidal. Again. Not actively. Very passively. I can't do anything, I don't have the opportunity or the means but…

I want them to feel this

Yesterday I was kind of fobbed off by someone I know and trust and partially depend upon. I'd been promised one thing and then nothing; no contact or anything and it just left me waiting and wondering and then flat and deflated because I wasn't even worth being told that they wouldn't come around, they…

Goals

So. Life. Same old same old. Trundling along, not good, not bad, just neutral. I think I know why not good and just neutral. I've had someone on my mind for a long time now and I'm really starting to get upset about it and it's affecting my mood and my confidence. Since I started…