Feeling a tad warm

This is a (semi-)planned post which means it might just make some coherent sense! My job. I am very lucky in my job. I work as a HCA around York. I am somewhere between a district nurse and a carer - that is the simplest way to describe it without being too complicated. I absolutely…

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Facing the past

I was supposed to be doing baby steps but that didn't work. Instead I've metaphorically leapt off a cliff. I've taken the rather monumental (to me) step of finally deciding to address the cause of all things mentally wrong. Yes I know what it is. No, I have never spoken to a professional about it.…

Day 1

New day, new tactics, new start. Why today? I had a rare day off from work so... logic. For a start I was in bed past 0630 which felt wrong... I'm usually travelling to my first patient by then or frantically trying to find various keys. It was nice though, just being able to lie…

Baby steps. On a treadmill.

Yep, I've rejoined a gym. Had a bit of a realisation after my last post that even though it's been behaving very well, I have somewhat been neglecting my cardiac health recently. So off the gym again it is. Different gym, feels a lot nicer, a lot more homely. So here we go. It's not…

Looking back

I had a thought a couple of days ago; why don't I start to share this blog with a few friends? Just a few trusted people, just to help them understand? My brain did the split thing. Half screaming and running away, the other half calmly considering it. What could they learn that would be…

I refuse to break

Ok, so my fight is back. Randomly. No reason why. Hey fight, nice to have you back... I can't break. I have too much to do. I have my patients, I have the education stuff to do for the boat, I have to join a gym again, I have life to LIVE. I can't break.…

Fading, fading… fading…

Still full of lead. Still have no life. Still no one to turn to. Which is my fault really, I just hound people no matter what they say. I can't quite believe how quickly I've dropped today. I woke up bad and am lying here worse, which always surprises me; I always think I've hit…

I didn’t want to go home

A very common feeling, not wanting to go home. Sometimes I'm just too tired to want to bother, sometimes it's too cold to want to go outside, sometimes it means driving, sometimes it means having to do house jobs that I've put off and put off... Last night was the most common though. I'd called…

I have no life left

I’m like a battery that has run completely flat.  I have no energy, no willpower, no fight to find something to do.  I’m still turning into a different person at work. She’s absolutely fine. Nothing wrong with her.  But when I leave, I come back out. My shoulders feel heavy, my head hangs, I stare…

I have no life left

I’m like a battery that has run completely flat.  I have no energy, no willpower, no fight to find something to do.  I’m still turning into a different person at work. She’s absolutely fine. Nothing wrong with her.  But when I leave, I come back out. My shoulders feel heavy, my head hangs, I stare…