I had thoughts today at work. 

I am two people. Two very different people.

There is the me on this blog; the honest me throughout the good and bad, the me who says exactly what is bothering/worrying/concerning her. She relaxes when writing because there’s no lie.

There is me that everyone sees; the bright, bubbly thing I am when people are around (albeit currently suffering with a cold). The one who doesn’t stop smiling, who doesn’t let things phase her any more.

There isn’t an inbetween. Well, there is, but she hardly appears. She only comes out around people she trusts implicitly. There aren’t very many of those. 

This double life is tiring, it’s exhausting. I can’t keep track of how I am, how I’m really feeling. No-one else can keep track either. I convince myself that I am happy, I convince myself I’m down.

I don’t know what the truth is.

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