Sending a message saying ‘I’m sorry, I’m just scared’ to someone is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
It signifies so much to me. Finding myself sending that means that I’m slipping; I’m failing; I’m giving up when I don’t want to.
My mind is falling back down my spiral into depression and all that comes with. Driving between patients today was horrible, I kept wanting to steer into lorries coming the other way. I locked myself in my room the minute I got home just to try and keep myself safe. I’ve sent a message to one of my rocks saying what’s happening and that I’m scared.
The crux of this: for some reason I’ve sunk back, my zest and will for life has gone. I’ve failed again, fell into a false safety of a few good weeks. All it (most likely) took was one person being an insensitive moron.
I’m not strong enough.
I want to write more but I can’t, my mind won’t let me. Sorry for not making much sense.