…. and someone’s found my blog again. Please, I need this to be me. If you recognise who this is from reading then you most definitely understand why. Please let me have this. I need it.
How I’m feeling at the minute is very strange and I feel like I need to write about it in a final attempt to get rid of it. Nobody wants to know, helplines are all busy again (seriously, they must have my number down as ‘DO NOT ANSWER UNLESS CRAZY’) and I feel like the people who I’ve been depending on are starting to do the ignore game when I say something.
I feel strangely happy. An ethereal happy. I reached a point today where I just felt like I let go. I stopped caring. I feel like right now I could go and carry my plan out and not hesitate or be scared, but feel free: I feel like I could actually appreciate everything, the small details, one last time. I feel like I could send someone a location and just… drop.
It makes me feel like I have an escape and a way out of this hell that is my brain. This blog started out as a vent for my heart as well, but as that’s come under some impressive control it’s become focused on my mind.
My broken mind.
Someone called it tortured once.
I feel like I have a way out and it makes me feel so so peaceful and relaxed. It takes all the worries of life away, all the stresses and demands.
It feels free.