I’m going to be writing a lot at the minute and these posts aren’t exactly going to be eloquent or very good, I just need venting.
Managed to drag myself to my first university band rehearsal yesterday, and could only manage half of it before I felt like crying or hiding.
Leading to me leaving half way through.
Leading to them not wanting me in the concert.
Leading to more spirals.
Leading to me crying.
Leading to deep dark pit that is me.
Leading to fire deep down.
Leading to fight.
Leading to determination.
Leading to will.
Leading to want.
Leading to I’m playing anyway because you can’t actually stop me.
I never really know how my posts are going to finish. I just start and then my mind starts thinking and then things happen. I didn’t expect this one to go up, I thought it would go down into the ‘There’s no point any more’.
I’m not entirely sure why it didn’t. I’m not complaining, just wondering at what my mind actually wants in life.
I simultaneously want to fight and give up. I think fight is stronger.
Fight suits me better anyway.