I’ve been lying to myself for a little while I think.

There is no hiding though; I’m suicidal. Not just wanting to not live, actively wanting to stop myself from breathing. 

I have not energy. I have no motivation. I have no willingness. I have no care. I have no want. I have no tears. I have no hate. I have nothing. 

This is disjointed because it’s taking me over an hour to write at the minute. I want to put my feelings down but there’s nothing there and I run from it, try and do what I have been doing and keep running and pretending they’re not there. 

I have a messed up heart and a messed up head. 

I just want to die. 

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