Yeah, I’m sat drinking hot chocolate (drink of the Heavens). I like hot chocolate, many a day I’ve consumed nothing but. It’s so nice… I’m sat in a coffee shop on my own, slightly hurried because they close at 1900 and I don’t want to be that annoying customer who stays right up until closing. Apologies in advance if the hurry is evident in reading! 

I haven’t posted in a while (sensing a pattern here) and it’s for good reasons. Life is good – I’m on crutches, but life is good. I’ll explain the crutches later, for now… general life! 

I’m still afloat. I did not sink and drown, I didn’t even start climbing the ladder (if someone starts doing that in water, they’re drowning. Interfere immediately). I’ve found a new lease of life in something I thought I’d lost. I’ve mentioned before I was a lifeguard, a proud serving member of the RNLI, and leaving it was hard. Very hard. The beach is the best office, your team are another family, and you’re doing something GOOD. It’s frustrating, rewarding and fun, it’s everything. I’ve had a longing for it since I left and now I’ve finally replaced the hole in my heart. I’m volunteering on a stroke ward which helps, but what has really healed me is going on to the rescue boat on the Ouse. It’s filled me with the purpose again, the purpose that you can’t really explain but it’s there, even at 0100 and it’s dead by the river. I have a team again, a great team who are absolutely fantastic and just tear into each other constantly. I have a purpose back. I can help again. 

Related to this, my nursing place has been confirmed. The one where I turned up to the interview without any of the documents they requested… I got it. I’m going to be a nurse, I’m going to help people and then I can hopefully train to be a paramedic. Everything healthwise seems to be going well right now, everything. I’m rarely in this position. 

It’s going well. Life is good.

Bar the crutches… but that’s me. I found myself on the other side of a fence to my patrol partner last Saturday night and instead of doing the logical ‘walk around the fence’ I decided to vault it. I didn’t fall over, didn’t tumble, but managed to land awkwardly. Felt a little nauseous which I put down to the adrenaline of going ‘woosh!’ over a fence and carried on. Ten minutes later, twinges are happening in my left shin. Twenty minutes later my shin is on fire, it’s swollen and I’m struggling to walk. Went to A&E on Sunday evening because I lost the ability to walk completely and found I have torn my tibialis anterior, a muscle along your shin bone. It’s quite painful and I got given crutches and a nickname of ‘Grandma’, ‘Skippy’, and ‘Hopaking’. Very unoriginal, but they made me smile. 

Today I have had a lovely afternoon with my best friend, spontaneously buying tents for our holiday in August (can’t wait!) and I honestly can only think of one thing that is not good (but I’m trying not to think so I’m ignoring it for a bit, just until I can think rationally). Life is too good, and for once when I’m feeling like this I’m not anticipating it to plummet. Everything seems to be going well, I’ve got plans and a life and friends and a purpose and… love. I’ve got my love of life back. I don’t know what I can attribute that to, but I suspect everything is just adding up, building me a fort of safety and keeping the stupid health stuff away. It works, somehow. 

I’m safe and happy and life is good. 

I only wish everybody could feel like this. Stay safe. 


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