We all gamble. Everyday. Can we hit snooze one more time? Can we make it across the road? Can I delay this meeting again? 

They’re all gambles; each scenario could go either way. 

I am not someone you would ever find in a betting shop or glancing the odds at the races, it’s not me and I have no interest in it. But, like everyone else, I gamble. A few months ago I gambled with my health and stopped taking my medication. It paid off, I’ve been feeling better than I was, more positive, more in control. 

But now the thoughts are tip-toeing their way in; thoughts of… nothing, thoughts of self-harm, a demonising cycle has been triggered. I don’t know if it’s genuinely my mind going ‘You fool’ or if it’s stress; I have a contest next weekend, my final recital a week after that, then the biggest competition of the year mere days before my dissertation hand-in. I’m stressed.

It could also be yesterday; I had a horrendous interview. It was just awful. I said the wrong things, took nothing I needed, and… it was just a disaster. 

I could just be reading too much into it, of course. The chances of it being situational are very high at the moment, and I can distract myself from it. I couldn’t distract myself before. I can help this one by doing something I enjoy, I couldn’t before. I can control thi to some extent. 

That was never an option.

Alright, I’m going with situational. I’m sorry, it’s just been a little concerning (as I’m sure you can imagine). I refuse to go backwards. I’m not going backwards. I can’t go backwards.

But anyway, the point of this; life’s daily gambles. There are big ones and small ones. I took a big one, the jury are still out as to whether it was a good one. 

We need to gamble with things though. It’s what makes life interesting, what gives it… life! If we didn’t take gambles then we would be clockwork machines with very little emotion. Just think about it. Try and imagine a scenario when you aren’t taking a gamble in some form. It’s quite difficult.

Gambles are a necessary part of life and contribute to our humanity. I no longer know where this post is going so I’ll leave it there. Sorry for the abrupt random thoughts. 

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