Some people don’t change. No matter what you say, no matter how you act, they don’t change.
I’ve said many times to this person that I’m getting frustrated with how they act.
No I haven’t. I haven’t said it. I’ve acted it, I’ve made it clear to everyone around us (apparently they talk about it) and I’ve tried my best to not say it clearly but I’m left with no choice. They read this blog (again, I’ve said not to… just another thing they selfishly ignore) so I think this might actually do some good. It’s going to be harsh, and I’m going to sound like the selfish and cruel one, but if you understand then you’ll realise the affect it’s been having on me.
This person… no, you. You have no self-management. You live on my decisions: I go out, you suddenly need to go to the same place. Anytime I’m going to campus for any reason, you’re suddenly going to the library (despite never going otherwise). If I have an opinion on something you change yours to match. Just look at our conversation today; it’s right in front of you. You actually made your mind up on something but I have a different opinion on it and yours was suddenly adapted to fit. If I’m out and decide to go home, you decide to, if I then decide to stay, guess what. I join a club, you join even though you have no interest and you don’t enjoy it. It’s even to the point where we’re talking about what to do job-wise, I’m talking about retraining and then you do…
You get the picture; an unwanted shadow. I have a life and whilst your my friend, you are not at liberty to live as me. You don’t make your own decisions, your own opinions, and I know more clingy toddlers.
This sounds cruel and selfish, but I’m finding myself hiding plans, hiding what I want to do simply to escape. You’re pushing me into a shell that I do not want to be in. I’ve asked you to not read this yet I know you will… if you’ve read this far that is. I don’t actually imagine you have, as you won’t like what your reading. However, it’s true, that’s how it’s coming across and people are noticing, they are noticing and commenting.
What really takes the biscuit? I make these points and you start to guilt trip. I say this, you apologise, and continue. Not. Acceptable. I am allowed to do things by myself, see my friends, my boyfriend, without you there. You’re a friend not a shadow but you act like… hardly words for it.
You’re making me something I’m not and I’m not sticking with it. It’s a new year and I’m not going to permit people to control my actions this year, not through any means unless it’s necessary. I’m not going to tread lightly around you. If you act like this, if you continue to push me into a shell, force me to be someone I’m not, you’re going to know it. I’m not going to just let you carry on. You’re going to know I’m not happy with it and I’ll continue to let you know until you stop.
I’m beyond caring if you get upset about it. I’ve gotten so frustrated and upset because you won’t leave me alone and that’s not going to happen this year. I make a choice, you let me make it.
Stop clinging, stop copying, grow a spine.
I’m going to spend a long time debating whether to post this, but I think I will. Anyway, happier topics.
I spent New Years in London and went to the new year parade through the center.
I want to write more but I’m too ‘het up’ as my mum would say. I’m wound up and upset so I’m going to leave it there and try and calm down: my pulse is through the roof and I’m bordering on tears.
Still don’t feel guilty, just an awful person for pointing out that you’re being a bit of a crap friend in many ways.