I’m writing from Newcastle!
Slight road trip. Working at the Brass in Concert Championships and it’s AMAZING. Yet again I’ve been surrounded by people who have inspired me for an incredibly long time and they’re still lovely lovely people.
I’m feeling good. I’m feeling up, positive. I’m not well, but I’m the positive side of my broken mind… does that make sense? I’m seeing the other side, looking at how to keep travelling there.
After each contest I play or work at I am inspired to play more, practise even more, and to get to the standard where I can play alongside these people as an equal… or even conduct them. I’m feeling it again. Usually, I get home, get my instrument out… and it sounds rubbish. I stop and give up any dream of doing that. It probably isn’t any different this time, but I feel different. There’s more of a drive, more of a will to do it. I feel that, if I went home now, I wouldn’t stop; I’d keep working and keep playing.
Music is me. It has been since I was little. My mum played Nimrod to me when I was a few months old and I started crying; not crocodile tears or wailing, just silent tears. Piano followed, then guitar, trombone, singing, every instrument I play. On Friday night I was on live television performing for Children in Need. So I may want to go into a different career path, but that is purely practical: in a decade there will be few music teachers, few opportunities to educate young musicians. Going into a medicinal career is not going to banish the musical gene in me, it can’t. It’s been there for so long, I’ve worked so hard at it, and I love it. I can do both, I can both care and entertain.
I love music. Music is me, and you know what?
I’m actually bloody good at it. No matter what my head tells me; I’ve aced the highest exams, I’m studying at a Russell Group university, I’ve been on television five times now, I’ve played abroad, done exceptional auditions and performances. The only thing I am actually proud of in my life is my music.
I am so proud of it and I’ve never confessed it.
There is nothing to hold us back, absolutely nothing. We can be messed up physically and mentally, but nothing can get rid of those things that are part of us. Nothing can take them away. Sure, there’ll be times when it’s hard, nigh impossible, but give it time and you’ll bounce back. You’ll get back to your peak, whatever your hobby and passion is. If you can’t stop yourself then nothing can, and stopping yourself is like tearing your DNA apart; it’s impossible.
So let me be a bit of a narcissist for once: I’m a bloody good musician and I’m only going to get better.
There is nothing to hold you back.