Why we self-harm;

Who can answer that for the human race? No-one. Personally I self-harm to give myself a focus, as an attempt to release negative energy that's building up. I can go months without doing anything but then it becomes an urge, a need. I can't ignore it. That's what happened tonight. I've been very close to…

I made a friend

Fairly self-explanatory.  I stood for 50 minutes yesterday talking to my new friend. They're 22, study Drama, and we're on a night out with other course mates. They felt a little out of place as they're three years older, but they don't make him feel bad for it. They nickname him 'grandad' which makes him…

Going Up: We Are Not Anchored

I'm writing from Newcastle! Slight road trip. Working at the Brass in Concert Championships and it's AMAZING. Yet again I've been surrounded by people who have inspired me for an incredibly long time and they're still lovely lovely people. I'm feeling good. I'm feeling up, positive. I'm not well, but I'm the positive side of…

‘Supposed to’

I'm supposed to be in a meeting right now. I'm not. I'm supposed to be taking medication each day. I'm not. Linked? Potentially. Definitely? Probably not. The reason I stopped taking my medication is because the source of it stopped helping. They wrote a letter to a consultant accusing me of fabricating an illness and…

This is a pure blooded rant

Ok, I'm a music student. Sterotypically this doesn't make me as smart as scientists or mathematicians. I don't have to work, simply play an instrument for my degree, and am essentially to dumb to do anything else. But guess what. I needed the same qualifications as you to get into a Russell Group university. I…

A to-do list for someone who can’t function

Get up Get dressed Have a cup of tea Tidy your room Put your washing on  Do some dissertation work Play something for a bit Do some practise Do committee work Sort carols Eat something Rehearsal Rehearsal Sleep About 2 of these things will actually happen. The rest will be met with pathetic excuses. Sums…

I’ve had enough

This last debacle in my life has shown how much I stress about things that I don't need to. Sure, it seems someone is being an awful human being, but it's in the hands of the people who can actually do something now. It's had enough of a negative effect on me and nearly everyone else…

Just… what

This is relevant to my last post. So so relevant. I was right. There's no doubt left in my mind. This person, who has caused so much trouble and worried and stressed so many people, is a manipulative little liar (may sound strong, but I'm still angry four days later). I just can't get my…

Manchausen’s Syndrome

I have a very difficult thing to do today; not for me, for someone else. I have to gather one last bit of proof that they are faking a (quite serious) illness. I hate doing this, I don't want to do this, I want to believe them but I can't. My brain won't let me…

You’ve got that dreadful feeling

I have to write. I'm terrified. I'm also a little tipsy at the start of writing this, which most definitely did not help what I'm currently incredibly nervous about. A friend from uni band (currently year in industry) was up in York today and so the band took the opportunity for cocktails ( if you're…