I achieved something

Like the title says. Not a very big thing, but it's a good step up and it's managing to simultaneously make me happy and sad. Such is life.  This thing? I went to the gym.  Why is that an achievement? Because I haven't had the mental energy to persuade myself to go in months. Because I…

Memory

Memory is an interesting concept. What do we truly remember? What scenario has our mind not warped? I've been thinking about this a lot recently for quite a good reason. When my mental health deteriorates, so does my memory. A fairly natural phenomenon; I'll forget jobs, to eat, to tidy, general things. When I get…

My Heart is Breaking. More.

My heart is broken one way anyway, but hey. It's now emotionally broken as well. I've been directing my old band of 7 years these past two weeks and it was going brilliantly. It's been something to look forward to in a world of black. At the end of this week's rehearsal I posted on…

Look forward, not behind

I don't want to talk about my last post. I want to delete it, but I don't feel I can for some reason. Something's just holding me back.  Anyway. I'm fine.  Well I'm not, but evidently I am alive. I don't know how. I do. A friend rang me. If they hadn't I don't know…

My final post

I'm sat on some rocks on the Isle of Wight. It's beautiful. The water's calm, I can see the boats on the solent. I can't think of a better place. This is to be my final blog post. I'm done, I'm broken. Hearing the shouts about how I ruin people's days by being there, how…