I wrote a post at the beginning of this academic year. It was about how awful my first year had been, and how I was so determined to work and do what I do best.
I have finished my 2nd year, and I’ve failed.
I’m not being melodramatic there, I’ve actually failed. One of my modules is a fail because I’m unable to walk into a concert hall with the pressure of having to review it and stay calm.
As far as my actual work goes, it’s not bad. It’s not what I wanted, but it’s not bad. I’ve been given a 2:1, which is ok I guess. I’m not happy with it, but eh.
I’m more annoyed because I’ve failed something because of… well, me. My head. My personality. Being unable to watch a concert with the pressure of reviewing it is ridiculous, I should be able to do that. But I couldn’t. I’ve failed my second year because I can’t do something.
It’s pushed me down, it really has. I was doing pretty good as well, after the last one lifted. I’m just hoping it can get sorted because it’s a medical thing.
I feel so useless. I feel absolutely useless and a failure of a human being.
Nothing else is coming, my mind has gone blank.
But yeah. I failed. I’m done.