This is going to be a bit everywhere, I’m sorry about that.

I’ve had some brilliant news since my last post: another cousin is expecting a baby! Second cousin number 22 will be born at some point in October…
Some slightly sadder news on the baby front though, another one is going to have to have some pretty serious heart surgery. He’s roughly six months old now, poor mite, and nothing’s worked for him. Don’t hereditary faults suck.

Speaking of hereditary faults, it looks like I’m going to be discharged from  my cardiologist at my next visit, which is great news: to start with, I won’t have to travel to Leeds every few weeks, but it also means that I’m getting on top of it. It won’t be cured, but I can manage it and hold off the general decline for as long as possible. I can live with that for now.

More bad news; I’ve got two uncles with cancer, one bowel and one prostate. I only learned about the latter today and it’s shaken me a fair bit. He’s already had skin cancer, and this prognosis isn’t looking too good. Cancer seems to run through my mum’s family and it has a fairly good death rate. We can only hope and pray. We’re fighters, we don’t go down easily. It’s made me extra nervous though; I had a tumour removed four years ago because it was displaying some mutant cells, even though they weren’t cancerous. It’s made me (and my mum) nervous because the breathing problems it was causing could now very easily be explained by my heart and we could miss another regrowth. But hey, I’ve been fine for four years, if it changes now I will most likely break a few walls down. I’ll be fine; focus on the uncles. They’ll also be fine. One uncle is doing very well, and the other will come through, I’m sure of it.

More good news, I need to distract myself. I’ve got another band! I’m far too happy about this, and I can’t even remember if I’ve written about it already, but I’ll go into detail now and finish this post on a high. I went to help out a more local band because two of their Trombones couldn’t make one rehearsal right before the Areas and somehow I managed to sign myself up to the 1st Baritone spot… I didn’t have a Baritone. I don’t know why I offered, but I did and they seem to have happily taken me. I haven’t told them about my heart yet, but I’m good friends with two of the players and they definitely know, and one of the ‘big cheeses’ of the band also knows. If they had a huge problem he would have said and it will have been brought up. Of course, I’ll have to tell them in due course, just in case those three manage to all miss a rehearsal, but fingers crossed it won’t be a huge issue. I’m doubtful, but hopeful.

 

I had a really sobering thought today: mental health wise, I’ve been going downhill at a very unsafe pace. Now that I’m on my own at university, I could retreat and, if I timed it right, nobody would have to know anything was wrong for four days. If I lost it, people wouldn’t necessarily know, whether I wanted them to or not. It’s scared me a little, and I need to bring it up with someone: if I just locked myself away, people wouldn’t know that anything was wrong. That’s me in quite a dangerous position, if the last few weeks of term were anything to go by. I need to fix that, and quickly, within the next two weeks.

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