My housemate moved out. I’m not happy about this, but some awful part of me feels horribly relieved. A huge black cloud has gone and I feel better which is horrible. So much confliction.
Today we send the emails to YUSU and Student Support about (I’ve forgotten her pseudonym) our first year me. I’m preemptively writing… this is going to be hard. We’re giving it straight to the people who we never wanted to go to but we have no choice. She’s going to hate us for it, but we can’t help that. I hate myself for doing this to someone else. I know what’s going to happen. The only thing we can hope is that, as well as the band, they’ve learnt about how to deal with it a lot better. If not, then I am a despicable human being and I won’t forgive myself either.
We’re doing it as a three, for which I am very grateful. The other two are lovely and know me, so they know how much I’m struggling with it and they are being complete darlings. If it wasn’t for them, I’m not sure what I’d do.
So, tough day ahead. One black cloud gone, but an even bigger one remains. I don’t think it’ll go for a long time.