I’m definitely down. Which is great. I’m ecstatic. I know why.

Main reason is housemate: I forgot her pseudonym, so she’s getting a new one, Kate. For a bit of background, I have £200 a month and I’m currently having to save £150 a month to be able to pay my rent, leaving me not a lot to live on. It’s doable, and many people have it worse, but it’s quite stressful. Anyway, for the past month, for whatever reason, I feel like she’s just been treating me like a poison: never comes out when I’m home, her door is constantly locked when she’s in her room, any conversations I literally force her into are so one sided I feel like slapping her. I’ve no idea why this came about. She’s taken the thermostat from the kitchen and locked it in her room so I have no access and no control over the heating unless I manipulate the boiler, for which I get snarky and quite rude notes about. About a week ago I gave up trying with her, whatever her problem is I no longer care because I have my own mental health to think about and that’s being impacted by quite a few things at the minute (I’m going to go over them). It sounds selfish, but when I think of the past year and what I’ve had to deal with, I don’t feel guilty. I rather like being a functional human. But she’s made me feel so horrible and I don’t know why. I snapped a little today; another note left on the boiler telling me to not turn it off max, so I left another telling her to bring the thermostat back and negotiate a fairer payment otherwise I’ll just have to keep doing it. I have -£5.89, I cannot afford to keep her living in a furnace when I have no control over the heating when I’m unable to have my radiator on (lack of storage space means I have two instruments against my radiator). The rest of the student population make do with jumpers, I don’t see what makes her so special.

Sorry, that’s a bit ranty. But it’s really been affecting me this past month, and I can’t tell people at the university because it’s one student negatively affecting a vulnerable student and they won’t allow that and I don’t want her in trouble unless it’s desperate. I hate being there at the minute though. I don’t know what went wrong.

Then there’s the first year who keeps fainting all over the place; she also needs a pseudonym, Libby. Where do I start… we’ve got an acceptable plan sorted which means we can call campus security to help us… and last week she refused to let us use it. This has put us in a very difficult position: that plan is the only reason we haven’t been forced to go to the student’s union about her, and she knows that. She also knows that it does give her some immunity, but only so long as she uses it. We’ve had to give a deadline of Sunday, we’ve two rehearsals before then, so she’s got to let us use it, or else we;re going to have to go behind her back and report her case as a welfare concern and then it’s out of our hands. None of us want to have to do that, but we;re being left with little choice. I’m struggling, a lot. Others are as well, not least the friend I’ve mentioned in a previous post, the one who have a small breakdown last Wednesday. He had another one after she’d spoken to him on Saturday I’ve been told. We have to stage a small intervention with him, which was also very difficult.We had to intervene: Libby was knowingly turning to him far more than anyone else because she knew he would do what she wanted, and that’s not good. That’s manipulative and unfair because he feels like he can’t help. The chairman is feeling the pressure: he just doesn’t know what to do. Well, none of us do, and it’s not a good situation. Unfortunately the longer we leave it, the harder the union will come down on the band if they discover the effects it’s been having on the players. This comes back to one student negatively affecting others, the university won’t stand for that.

UniBrass committee: I feel useless. Superfluous. I feel a bit like the joke member. We’ve had a problem with location within the music department and when I tried to help it just felt like I was being brushed aside. I brought up what I thought was a fairly important point about equipment if we couldn’t get the department on board and the response I got was ‘We have other concerns for now most definitely’. We do, but the way it’s said just makes me feel like I’ve been brushed aside. I am the least important committee member, I know that, but I’m still there.

Sorry for the long post. It’s one of those weeks: I’m depressed, I feel useless, and I want to cry every time I walk through my own front door. Should anyone feel like that?


2 thoughts on “Demoralised

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