Yes, look away if you want a nice mild post. This is not what you’re looking for.

One thing I really can’t stand is people who don’t help themselves. They may not be able to help it, but those who can really grind my gears. I am, yet again, talking about the me of first year (the one who’s currently fainting everywhere).

In short, she’s been recommended some medication to try and in the appointment the doctor said that if she can’t take salt in then he’ll try her on salt tablets. However, she’s then gone to the GP and gotten the salt tablets… and not what she’s supposed to be trying. We are all very annoyed about this. She can take extra salt in fine, that’s not what we need. There was also a disability meeting yesterday to sort out an emergency care plan and what she put down was ridiculous. She put down symptoms she’s never had or mentioned to anyone, other symptoms she rarely gets and we’re all sceptical as to whether they’re linked, and the recommended action she put down was to leave her. Again, we’re getting quite frustrated. I’m saying we because I’m not the only one; department and band are getting to the end of their tether. Putting down to leave her is to take away the whole point of the plan: we are all very stressed, it’s not just for her it’s to enable us to be able to call someone to help us, as at the moment she refuses to let us and makes a swift recovery when it’s suggested but I’m not going back there. It’s becoming really difficult for us to deal with, the frequency, the lack of help we’re allowed to call, and we feel trapped. Wednesday was particularly difficult: myself and  friend had been with her until 0300 that morning, and then Wednesday evening he got a message saying that she’d been feeling the same now for 26 hours, what should she do, and don’t tell me. Naturally, he did and I’m very glad about that. We ended up taking her into hospital because we are out of our depth, but the stress that put on us beforehand was immense: we know she doesn’t want to go, we know how much she’ll hate us for taking her, but we had to make that call. I could distance myself, I’m used to locking emotions away, but the one who she contacted and expected to deal with it himself just broke down crying because that was not what we wanted to do and he felt horrible about it. I am not ok with that, she has no right to make him feel like that and that is where the line is. Unfortunately we’ve now got to go to the student’s union because it’s affecting quite a few students in quite a big way. Again, when we arrived and said you’re going to hospital the fainting stopped and she started to feel better (I said I wasn’t going there, sorry, I just can’t shake these doubts).

From not getting the medication she should, being ridiculous with the plan that is supposed to help everyone, and to making people feel like that because we’re out of our depth, I am getting very near the end of my tether, and I know others are as well for the same/similar reason. She’s not helping herself, and that is not on for something like this. She’s not incapable, she just expects people to be there now, and that is not good. We’ve got to break that cocoon, and sadly we’ve been pushed to that point, arguably by her. We can’t deal with it: my stress levels are getting near a dangerous point but I don’t feel like I can tell anyone at the university because of how she’d react, and that is not good, that is potentially life threatening for me (may sound like an over-reaction, but I can’t forget last year). I get stressed, then I get anxious and from there the depression and further on, suicidal. I can’t keep dealing with this at the depth I am, but I don’t feel like I can get out. People have noticed that I’ve been out of character, and a few have guessed why and they’re not happy about it.

In short, it’s gone beyond the welfare of one student; it’s become a group, caused by one (not of her own fault) and her inability to realised that we’re not her doctors or carers (that is her fault). We are not trained for this (well, I am, but I’m not at the same time), there is very little we can do, but her expectation for us to constantly be there when she calls, and the expectation on us to do something useful is breaking us down. I’m near dangerous levels, and I know that at least two others are also getting there. Thankfully they don’t have a bad history of mental health, but the last thing we want is for them to get down that path because of it. Sadly, this means we have to take it to the student’s union, but we have no choice. We’re not happy about it, but she’s refusing to help herself, and that’s becoming dangerous.

If somebody gave me medication that could help me to stop me fainting, from feeling weak and shaky, I’d take it like a shot. Why won’t she.

Right, rant over. I’m sure that if you managed to read that without thinking I’m a horrible hypocrite (I know I am, no need to lay it in) then I’m sure you’ve guessed that I’m – haha – stressed, and not in a good place at the minute. However I am not going to dwell on that. Today I’m going to the University of Warwick to partake in UniBrass *excited screaming*.

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