Things are going well. I have something to write about in this post. Many many things.

To start with, yesterday. The rent with the landlord has been sorted out, I have a place to live next year. We had a bit of drama as there came a point where he turned around and said that I could not live there because I had no money to be able to pay when I wouldn’t be there. I’m very very thankful to my friend who refused to leave me alone when I got that news. But it’s been sorted; I’m back in the house, I’ve figured out a way to pay, so I’m going to try and forget it.

UniBrass committee: we’re getting there and I feel valued… education manager is not an important role, it’s one of the lesser ones, probably the least important, but in the meeting I felt like I had a fair bit to contribute. Which was nice.

I got through a concert… I played through a whole concert… I’m ridiculously proud of myself. Considering the last attempt ended in me hyperventilating on the floor backstage in the interval, I’m so so happy. I’ve another concert on Saturday, one in which I have two uniform changes and three instruments to juggle, so if I get through that I’ve definitely jumped a hurdle!

Downsides… downsides downsides downsides… mainly a person. Naturally I’m not going to identify them, but this person tries their best to belittle any problems I have, gloats when I’m down, tries to make out that my quite literally broken heart is nothing important and generally tries their best to make me feel as bad as possible. It’s not just me they do this to, many people feel belittled by them for no reason. It’s horrible. They are the type of person who simply has to be the best: they’ve pulled out of shows because they aren’t on the lead part, that sort of person. Everything has to be about them and the way they go about that is horrible and unnecessary and it’s setting quite a lot of department up against her. The type of person who revels in someone else’s misfortune. One of the worst types of personality.
Not only do they have to be the best or they have a strop, when they are on top they don’t practise, they don’t try, they simply do not make an effort and it’s infuriating. Moaning loudly that you can’t play it, then practise it! It’s not funny, it’s embarrassing, it’s unprofessional, and it’s letting the other three of us down when you can’t play your own part. You need to stop being a foot and grow up.

Sorry. I needed to rant. I’ve been bottling it up and it’s breaking out gradually onto other people, which I don’t like. Sorry.

I think that’s all the negative at the moment, but it’s a big negative and it’s really upsetting. It’s through the saving grace of others that I haven’t been crying in rehearsals from some of the things that have been said. I’m relying far too much on others at the minute, but if I didn’t lean upon them then I would be in a far worse situation. I need these positive people, these lovely, caring, wonderful anchors to hold me down and make me feel safe.



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