So it’s 2016. Warning, a soppy post is following.

2015 was bad, very bad. Not my worst year, but it certainly is close. My mental health deteriorated on the 5th January to a mental breakdown that I haven’t yet fully recovered from. I’ve self harmed, overdosed, and wanted myself dead before 2016. But here we are. I’m a stubborn donkey. As well as my mental health, my physical health took a sharp downturn: my heart has been failing me for a year and a half, but with the help of my cardiologist it’s getting better. My blood is in a shocking condition. I had a brain haemorrhage. All of which contributed to my mental decline.

My health has lost me friends and support. It’s had me suspended from university. It’s had me kicked out from halls. It’s taken me to the lowest points I’ve reached in a while.

But I’m still here. The people who love me are still here. My various doctors and specialists aren’t giving up on me, they have taken me seriously and it’s had a positive effect on everything. After summer the university support system has vastly improved. I have a deadline in 4 days and for the first time, I think I’ll manage it.

I’m not going to be all cliché and say that all of this made me stronger, it didn’t. I’m not a strong person. If it was a case of winning or losing to years, I lost this one. But I’ve learned, and from what I’ve learned I can adapt to make life a little easier, and a little more… bearable. Maybe even enjoyable on the whole. But for now I’ll settle with bearable. 

So here’s to an improved 2016 to you all, I hope it’s better than 2015. If your 2015 was unbeatable, I say nonsense: good things can be never be too good for you, you’re always worth more.

I’m glad I started this blog last year. I think it’s helped me to this one.

Cheers *raises glass*

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2 thoughts on “… and a happy new year

  1. What you’ve had to go through in 2015 is awful, and I am so glad you made it through. Thanks for sharing your story online where people like me can read and relate, and we all know we’re not alone. Keep writing, keep fighting. You are so strong. I hope 2016 is a much better year!

    Liked by 1 person

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