Feelings

I've been thinking again. I know, dangerous. First of all, good news! The extremely long depressive episode is over. Done. Gone. I'm functioning again. The relief I'm feeling is immense. No, not happiness, relief. Relief because I survived it. I've had a few very very close calls in this one, and I am proud I've…

So tired…

I'm drained. Empty. I've just gotten back home after being out first aiding since just before seven this evening. I'm shattered. I didn't sleep very well last night, for reasons which I'm going to go into. I did not have a good night. I was out on a social with band, not drinking as my…

It’s horrible seeing history repeat

I believe I've mentioned one of the first years in an earlier post, a trumpeter who keeps falling unconscious. If not, I'm going in to more detail now, because something incredible happened. So, first year brass player who keeps passing out. Sounds very familiar to me, and the irony is not lost on anyone. We…

Wonderful People

So I've had a horrible week, but that has completely changed this weekend. I lost my place in a band I loved, I managed to break my own toe, my prescription for some fairly significant drugs was an eighth of what it should have been and going back up left me collapsing all over the…

Finally!

It's the end of the first week, I survived the first week. My lecturer loved my essay. My current module is great. Today I am going away with the uni band for the weekend. Life is just good. I'm feeling it as well. I'm finally lifting out of this depression episode, and that feeling itself…

I think this may be goodbye

This is the second post I've written today. I didn't post the first one, but I kept the title: I'm sure you can guess what it was about. I've had a horrible day. It started well; my lectures were great, I enjoyed them. Seeing my friends again was great. I've got an essay title sorted,…

I’ve Lost

So the four planned days are done. They did not help. Kyaking, going to the gym, music, seeing people, nothing has helped. I've been down for too long now. I'm really losing face. My lectures start tomorrow and I'm nowhere near the right mindset. I don't trust myself. For a start, the student union is…

Random Writing

As anybody who suffers wit depression and anxiety - and, I suppose, most other mental illnesses - you can't plan too far ahead. You can plan for a day out in two weeks, look forward to it at the time; but as the days go by you slip further down, things go wrong, and when…

People can Learn

I'm hugely disappointed. I'll explain why later. First of all, I apologise for my last update. I was not in a good place. As it stands, I was given an extension after sending a rather panicked email to my tutor. He was lovely, and my stress about that has gone down loads. Just to sort…

Deadline

Hand in day tomorrow. I have nothing that's worth anything to give. I'm just ready to give up. I won't achieve anything. My long term goals are unachievable, let alone my short term ones. I've got nothing to give tomorrow, and I'm wanting a way out. I just want out. Because I can't go through…