I’ve not had a down episode like this for a long time. It’s lasted too long and been too bad for what’s become normal. Stepping back into the abyss I’ve been climbing out of.

I’ve got something happy to write about. I’m not happy as I write this, but this is something happy. Back to York tomorrow. Home is nice, but it suffocates me. I hope leaving will help. Also made arrangements to see my best friend on New Years Day, she always perks me up a little.

Aside from that, I’m still failing, and it’s getting into everyday life. I’m struggling with everything, and faking a smile can only go so far. On-line my true emotions are coming out, and I can’t afford that.

My essay is absolute drivel, it’s horrific. I’ve definitely failed it, and I can’t even cut it down to the word count. There goes a first, in this module and in my degree. I need a first in everything in my last two years, and I’ve fallen at the first hurdle.

I’ve had my pills. I’ve exercised. I’ve tried to cry. I’ve worked. I’ve relaxed. I’ve eaten what I want. I’ve eaten what’s good for me. Nothing. Nothing is working.

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