I will write a happy post soon. I promise.

Yes, same old drivel now. I’ll write the happy one and we’ll die of shock. Wouldn’t really be a bad thing.

I’m going to fail this university module. I can’t do it.

I’m just going to fail life. I’ve had bad thoughts recently, suicidal thoughts. I need to tell my doctor what they are, but I can’t. The stupid, stubborn, terrified donkey that is me can’t, and so this cycle starts again, and it will continue to repeat until I’m able to talk to someone, which will never happen. I’m stuck in a rut, a record on repeat. Circles have no weak points to break them open at.

That’ll probably do for now. It’s late; my head hurts, and I’m just lying here, awake, doing nothing useful, watching time slip by. I don’t know if I’m trying to sleep or not. I can’t keep track.

I don’t help myself, do I. Anyway, I’d be selfish if I did.

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One thought on “Anything Goes

  1. I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. It’s not selfish of you to try to help yourself. You’re not going to fail life, and I do hope you get to talk to your doctor soon. In the meantime, please know that you are not alone.

    Like

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