Hello, my Friend, Hello

I've not had a down episode like this for a long time. It's lasted too long and been too bad for what's become normal. Stepping back into the abyss I've been climbing out of. I've got something happy to write about. I'm not happy as I write this, but this is something happy. Back to…

Anything Goes

I will write a happy post soon. I promise. Yes, same old drivel now. I'll write the happy one and we'll die of shock. Wouldn't really be a bad thing. I'm going to fail this university module. I can't do it. I'm just going to fail life. I've had bad thoughts recently, suicidal thoughts. I…

Nadelik Lowen

Mental health is something that can't be healed. Sure, you can have medication, see counsellors, doctors, psychologists and psychiatrists. The mental illness can ease, and if you're lucky go completely. But it can never heal. If you're like me, you have scars outside on your skin. People can see them, they ask questions, they are…

Breath and Cry

Right. I'm sorry for my last post. I was worked up and panicked. My essay situation isn't any better, I'm just coping. That or I've given up. Either way, I'm not having panic attacks about it any more. I don't feel like I can write freely on this blog anymore, which is heartbreaking. It's such…

Definitely Backstepping

Ok, I can't keep this going. I don't believe they've stopped reading this, I can't believe it. They wouldn't just stop. I don't know whether to stop writing or create a new blog, but either way I don't feel able to write properly, it's not right. There's also everything on here that they have already…

Progress? Or Back Stepping?

I'm feeling mixed. I've let someone back in to my life, and I wasn't sure if I should or would but I have. It's actually the person who went out to Munich, the one who (as it turns out) was reading this blog and keeping quiet about it. They said that they'd already stopped when…

Ghosts

It's strange how something can improve, and you don't even notice until it's either back or something similar happens. I realised the other day that I am no longer feeling physically sick when I go to check my university email. The realisation hit me like a tonne of bricks. All of the bad emails I…

It’s been a while

Well, a week. It feels like a long time to have not needed to write though. I guess that means I haven't needed to, which is good. I need to now though. Nothing important. Just me. I've been on my own in the house for a week now. It's fine, it's tidy and quiet. I…

A Reflection.

It's the end of week 10, meaning the end of this term. I don't really know what to write about, so I'm just going to go babble about it, apologies beforehand. I was so anxious about starting this year. I was terrified. Last year was such a bad experience health and help wise, I didn't…

Frustration

I cannot deal with all of this! I'm down, I'm up, I'm sideways, I'm inverted, I'm anything but settled and it's driving me insane! I didn't sleep again last might which won't help, but I cannot keep up like this. I'm level at the minute, which is probably why I can feel frustrated. I went…