I’m calm.

I’m collected.

I’m temporarily fixed.

I say temporarily, I could be optimistic  but let’s not. I’m lying awake at 2 in the morning…
The medication is helping. A lot. I needed that bigger dose.
My life is organised. My treatment for my heart is working. My essay is well on the way. I am seeing my friends. I am exercising. I am taking care of myself.

Can I be proud of myself? I feel like the graph of my life has levelled, and levelled in a good place; not low, not high, but happily neutral. After the last few weeks, I am relieved. I’ve been ill physically and mentally, I’ve been stressed, I’ve been lost. But it feels… right now. My mind feels rested, like it’s reset itself.

How can I stay like this? This is the best place for me to stay I feel. It’s safe, soothing. I feel harboured and sheltered here. It’s a good place. I don’t feel panicked, or like this will suddenly be tossed into the air with one fell swoop.

I needed this feeling.

I needed to feel secure.

I wish you all could feel like this. It’s wonderful.

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