I am lost.

I don’t know what to do.

I have my doctors appointment tomorrow, and I don’t know what to say. I ought to be honest about how I’m feeling, but that might set things off like last year. But if I don’t mention it, things could take a turn for the worst and it’ll end up like last year again, only worse. I don’t know what to do. Best case scenario, I mention it, and my medication is either changed or I’m given a larger dose, which I think could be likely. I just can’t get the worst case scenario out of my head. It won’t go.

I’m also worried about the bruises. I looked it up on the tinternet in relation to my medication and the NHS site said that I should mention to my doctor if I suddenly start bruising easily on this medication. So do I mention that and risk getting a note of self harm on my record? They’re not normal bruises, they’re not small, they’re huge. I want to be able to mention them without feeling judged, but I can’t.

I don’t know what to do. If I don’t mention these things then the consequences are my fault. If I do mention these things, the consequences could be the same anyway. It’s keeping me awake tonight. That and this cough which is really aggravating my heart. My housemate is developing something as well, and I’m worrying about her (she’s diabetic) and if she gets really ill again (it’s happened before). Too much worry, too much scared.

I don’t know where to go from here.

I feel lost.


3 thoughts on “Stuck

  1. This is going to sound cliche, but . . . honesty is the best policy here, especially about the bruises. If you are bruising easily and largely, whether you’re inflicting them or not, and a side effect of the medication is bruising easily, than that’s the thing your doctor should focus on, not how they got there. Even if you’re not comfortable with telling him/her exactly what happens, just say you’ve been bruising really easily. It’s not a good idea to toy around with those side effects.

    If you’re honest about what you’re feeling, but you don’t want your medication turned up or you don’t want to change medication, than you have the right to tell them that. They’re not in charge of you. If anything, they should recommend a different way to help you (which is another suggestion you can take or leave). It’s not their choice, it’s your choice. If you do want your medication changed, or a larger dose, than you go in there and you stomp your foot and you say, take me off this, I want something different. Because it’s your treatment, not theirs.

    I don’t know what your worst case scenario is, but is it really worse than hiding everything and having to keep it setting on your shoulders all the time? Have you tried other methods or only medication?


    1. I was honest with my doctor. I didn’t deliberately cause the bruises, that’s why I was so nervous about telling her, but it could apparently just be my blood platelets. We’ve upped my medication again, I just want it to work, that’s all! We’ve tried counselling multiple times in the past, but I’ve never been able to open to anyone, which is why I have this blog; I can be open because nobody knows who I am

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh okay that’s good! For sure, there’s a lot of methods that could work and I hope your medication does for you too! Opening up is not an easy thing so I think it’s awesome you’ve got this blog:) I wish you the best:)

        Liked by 1 person

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