Finished

A weekend of playing. Over. Done. Sunday afternoon was fantastic. Violin in concert orchestra. A great concert with a great response from the audience. Sunday evening, I was more in edge. I'd already used a lot of my courage in the afternoon. I hadn't slept Saturday night, I just couldn't. I was tired, struggling to…

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Ring-a-ring a roses

It comes together and falls apart. I've been keeping busy, lots of concerts this weekend. Friday was full of rehearsals, and today I've been ice skating with band folk and then symphony orchestra rehearsals before the concert this evening. Dvorâk 7, alto. 20 minutes before I was due on I was doing basic maintenance on…

Nuggets of Gold

I hate being up and down like this. It's horrible. I'm on the up. Again. I'll see how long it lasts this time. A mix of friends and good experiences helped this time. People do rally if you say you're not alright. I can't tell them anything, but I can say I'm not alright. We…

Pulling Myself Up

I'm climbing out, slowly. I forced myself through today, did everything planned. I think sticking to my regime helped me feel ordinary. Yes, I'm blogging for the second time in two days, I need to. I had a good trombone lesson, a pre-project meeting, and a good circuit session with two kayaking friends. The housing…

Dire Places

I'm in a very desperate place, the most desperate I've been since starting this blog. I don't even know why, my trombone got fixed today, I had a glowing tutorial with my lecturer, and a good gym session. Walking home I just became down, very very down. 'I'm scared' sort of down. I'm glad my…

Perking up!

Things are looking up! The past few days have been good, things are getting sorted. I saw a psychologist for the first time on Friday. My cardiologist recommended I see her to help with feeling so nervous about my heart, and she was so nice. I'm seeing her again in a few weeks, and hopefully…

Can’t think of a name

In a bit of a bad place at the minute. Feeling very bleak and down. I've been struggling with sleep quite a lot recently. It doesn't matter what I do, I cannot sleep before 2 in the morning and then I'm massively over-sleeping in the morning and missing things. I hate it, I just feel…

Thoughts about people

People can make or break your day. All it takes is a small comment or a look and your mood can change. I am encountering more and more positive changes. My doctor, who seems to be getting to know me rather well, was joking with me about my appalling blood test and kayaking incidents. My…

13/11/2015

I imagine there will be many blogs about the attacks in Paris yesterday, but I'm still going to write this. I feel for everyone involved. For someone to feel so strongly about something that they resort to the murder of others for it is horrible, absolutely horrible. What makes it worse is that there is…