I did it!

I pulled the deck of my kayak without panicking! Sounds stupid, but I'm proud of myself. It's a huge step forward. Yes, it was a controlled environment with someone else waiting to right me should the flailing hand appear, but my first deck test was like that, and I failed miserably. I am proud of…

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Can’t sleep. Scared.

I've mostly recovered from Saturday. Still coughing, which has led to an inflamed throat and costochondritis though, so yippee! At least it's only a reaction, I know there's nothing wrong. I can't sleep though. I've been noticing for the last few weeks that my main trombone, my main man, has not been performing as well…

Well done me

Kayaking is actually going to kill me. What happened (as people have told me, I have next to no recollection) is we were on white water again, and we came across a bit of a water fall, no more than six foot. The safety were all out to make sure we went down the right…

You know when you feel unwanted

The sertraline is causing havoc again. I had a time of feeling nothing, now I'm all over the place. I'm nervous, ecstatic, depressed, giddy. It's horrible. At the minute, pretty down. I don't know why, today had,  by many accounts been a good day. Lecture, shopping, swimming, rehearsal. A good, normal day. Well, collapsed on…

White water is like life. Turbulent.

Well things are certainly happening! All pretty bad! To start with, I (finally) got an email about this fitness to study meeting. Great. Just great. Here comes the whole stressful procedure again. Secondly, later on the same day I knocked a cyclist off his bike in my car. Thankfully he was alright, and was more…

I have as much feeling as an oboe

I like oboes really. Still as flat as a pancake emotion wise. The sertraline is working at least. I'm not panicking in lectures or rehearsals, and can generally go about day to day things without much interruption mentally. But flatness. When I wake up, flat, in lectures, flat, with friends, flat. Flat flat flat. It's…

One step forward, two steps back

Things had been going well. Lectures, rehearsals, medication. I thought things were being squashed. But yesterday there was one thing that reminded me that I was not better, not by a long way. I'm a surfer, a sea baby. I love water, I love swimming and anything affiliated with it. I've joined the kayak club…

All the good we failed to do

I've been thinking again/discovering not so nice things. First of all, there was the discovery that someone thinks I'm not worth helping, which has broken me slightly. I thought I could rely on this person, especially as they have problems themselves. I'm not going to dwell on it too much. If they think I'm not…

I’m stuck on a seesaw!

What's happening. I don't know. Things are very up and down still. On the plus, I had a lovely trombone lesson today, and got the audition results back... I got in! Alto trombone for Dvorâk  7th, I've no idea how it happened... For the inevitable down, I have meetings. With the student union. Advice and…