I am me (and employed!)

So I did what I was talking about in my last post. I out illnesses and dates (the best I could) onto a status on Facebook and posted it.  Just like that. I felt disconnected as I did it, like I want really me. I suppose it's so out of character that for a while…

I need to be open

This is a blog post in replacement of a Facebook status that I think I'd regret. Heavily. I've an urge to be open with people. Not about everything, not to the extent of making this blog public, but enough so that people can understand. I want them to know.  I don't want to hide. I…

Hit me on the head

Very short, positive post. Sat by the Ouse, about 10 metres back on a picnic bench. I have hot chocolate, Spotify and a book (Forensics: The Anatomy of Crime).  Just looked toward Millenium Bridge which has been the scene of some attempts recently and felt... nothing. I'm by the river and I'm not suicidal. Pigs…

Who is my enemy?

I've just come back from essentially two weeks of holiday; first with family in Bambrugh, then with my best friend of multiple years in Holland.  Holland holiday led to a first for me. We had a bit of a sandwich holiday, two days in Amsterdam, 4 at Castlefest, another 2 back in Amsterdam. At the…

Full of empty

Scenario: on holiday with my aunt, uncle, cousin, and two second cousins in Northumbria (Bambrugh). I've had an absolutely fantastic few days with them, mostly looking after the boys - I am here as unofficial babysitter - but also just getting away from life in general. The only constant reminder are the pills I'm taking…

Alas, history repeats itself

Last night I was shown both sides of humanity.  If you know York, you'll know Millenium Bridge (the one with the pretty lights). If you were walking on it and passed someone sat on the railings what would you do? A) tell them they can jump, B) ignore them, or C) be the one person…

I don’t know

.... and someone's found my blog again. Please, I need this to be me. If you recognise who this is from reading then you most definitely understand why. Please let me have this. I need it. Ok. How I'm feeling at the minute is very strange and I feel like I need to write about…

I Sometimes Feel

I sometimes feel completely alone in this world. No matter what people say, what they've been through, I feel like they can't possibly know how I feel, that they can't really start to comprehend. Stupid, I know. Of course people understand. They understand how they feel, how they've felt. But for someone to understand exactly…

Got. To. Keep. Going.

WARNING: There are parts of this post that could potentially trigger. Please read with caution. That is just how life is at the minute. Got to keep going. With the full stops. Those four words are so so hard to think about right now, let alone act upon.  I'll start from what I think is…

More

I'm going to be writing a lot at the minute and these posts aren't exactly going to be eloquent or very good, I just need venting. Managed to drag myself to my first university band rehearsal yesterday, and could only manage half of it before I felt like crying or hiding. Leading to me leaving…