I’m all shook up (Ahh-ah-ah)

If you get the song reference in the title, I like you. For the first time ever I considered deleting a blog post yesterday purely because it ended very badly and I'm trying to not relive the moment endlessly. But that would be wrong: it happened, it was how I was feeling, I needed to…

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I broke my deal

I made a deal with someone a while ago that if they didn't break their half, I wouldn't cut. Tonight I picked up a knife (they broke theirs a lot so... I've actually done pretty well) At the end of this post I will decide whether I'm going to use it or not so just…

Tear my heart out

So that happened today. To start with I woke up in an incredibly dark place as you can probably imagine. I was creating scenarios for everything and on the way to work contemplates just driving to the hospital and getting myself admitted because I was not safe. Then I went to my third patient of…

Life in the World: 2/2

... now for the bad. I had a concert tonight. That should sum it up. After my nun post I actually felt lighter and now I feel like gravity had increased its force on me. Long story short; I was fine, got my concert jacket out, someone took concert jacket, I panicked, hid, and now…

Life in the Convent; 1/2

I can't bear to write about the bad. Not with this, not with the pure good that I have experienced this week. This is post one of two; what is good about life Despite what the title may suggest, I have not joined a convent. I have simply been working in one with the sweetest,…

Feeling a tad warm

This is a (semi-)planned post which means it might just make some coherent sense! My job. I am very lucky in my job. I work as a HCA around York. I am somewhere between a district nurse and a carer - that is the simplest way to describe it without being too complicated. I absolutely…

Facing the past

I was supposed to be doing baby steps but that didn't work. Instead I've metaphorically leapt off a cliff. I've taken the rather monumental (to me) step of finally deciding to address the cause of all things mentally wrong. Yes I know what it is. No, I have never spoken to a professional about it.…

Day 1

New day, new tactics, new start. Why today? I had a rare day off from work so... logic. For a start I was in bed past 0630 which felt wrong... I'm usually travelling to my first patient by then or frantically trying to find various keys. It was nice though, just being able to lie…

Baby steps. On a treadmill.

Yep, I've rejoined a gym. Had a bit of a realisation after my last post that even though it's been behaving very well, I have somewhat been neglecting my cardiac health recently. So off the gym again it is. Different gym, feels a lot nicer, a lot more homely. So here we go. It's not…

Looking back

I had a thought a couple of days ago; why don't I start to share this blog with a few friends? Just a few trusted people, just to help them understand? My brain did the split thing. Half screaming and running away, the other half calmly considering it. What could they learn that would be…